In a week where a seagull snatched a chihuahua dog from a garden, Network Rail introduced speed limits on the railways, Countess Ablaze closed early today, Boris Johnson became Prime Minister of the United (hah!) Kingdom and the UK is burning in a fiery pit of hell reminiscent of a Billy Shakes play, I'm not saying these things are related but they are bloody well related.
Hell in a handcart is what springs to mind this week.
So I guess the last thing you want to think about when the earth is scorching and you're stark bollock naked under the bedroom fan wondering what on earth we've done to deserve this wretched heat, is to buy yarn.
It's okay, I get it. I'm not buying yarn either. Instead, I'm the divvy who has a tattoo booked for tomorrow morning during a sticky heatwave. Talk about masochism.
However, can I entice you with a cheeky discount? See the thing is, I have a Squad to keep hydrated with ice lollies and those things cost money and if I don't keep them in Rowntrees Fruit Pastille lollies, I'm concerned that they'll go postal. Or just not show up for work.
So here is my plea for "Plz hydrate Blazin'Squad or the Countess gets it!"
*** The code to use at checkout is - BoJo-Blowout - and it'll get you 10% off your order. Plus we direct 5% of our sales on Kiva Loans so you have that warm feeling inside too. It's valid until 31st July. ***
Please note the use of the hyphen, this is important as without it, it almost spells out a vulgar word and you know me, I do not swear ;)
p.s x2 - this email was written in a heatwave. I may have been quite unwell with heatstoke.