I fucking hate social media.
I've said it. I am exhausted with it, all of it. It's a combination of things, adverts, algorithms, platforms hosting hate, tracking...
Last year I ditched all my personal social media. Fuck that felt good. I have zero social media friends. High fives, people!
But bloody hell. I feel ready with my fist clenched to smash the big red button that deletes my business social media too.
There's so many things going on. Doom scrolling has totally affected my mental health for 18-24 months. I'm sick of having to put a mask on to hide my autism because for every person saying "you don't need to mask, just be you" there's someone banging on about my traits being "creepy" or something else equally offensive. The shocking displays of ableism lately have stunned me.
I've never used Twitter. Didn't have a Twitter handle until my husband opened an account earlier in the year to bitch at our business bank. I was furious with him. "Email them like you're supposed to do," I said. Now it's just an account hanging there in the air going "Over here Countess, come and doom scroll here too" so that needs axeing too even though I've never logged into it.
Facebook. Instagram. I'm fatigued. Fuck off Zuck.
Reddit. Sort of okay, reminds me more of old-school 90s internet. Still not feeling comfortable though.
Ravelry. Inaccessible unless I fancy another seizure so that account got binned whilst I had a bit of a cry at being reminded of how I turned to knitting and Ravelry when my late husband died. Fuck, that was emotional.
Tik Tok. I want to love it but the privacy concerns had me deleting it.
YouTube. Video has a layer of vulnerability that I'm not too comfortable with at this time. This pandemic has affected me and my routines so much that I've even grown my hair out and haven't worn a wig in months. Or lipstick or even nice clothes. I just don't feel the urge to either and whilst I know nobody gives a fuck what I look like, those things are part of my autism mask and I haven't the energy to do it.
I'm too busy getting the business through a pandemic with the end of the Brexit transition to look forward to whilst making sure my staff aren't financially impacted or put in harm's way due to the virus, and being very bloody aware at the statistics of people on the autistic spectrum being in employment are so shockingly low in the UK, I'm feeling the pressure not to add us to that statistic. That was a long sentence. You can probably feel the stress levels oozing out of my words.
The worst of all this is that I've stood up in front of people in marketing workshops that I've written about using social media and I'm just so done with it. That stuff I taught used to work. Now, shit has changed.
We're working on having an online community group for Countess Ablaze elsewhere. We don't want to be reactionary and just set something up and be done with it. We want to properly research and decide what we want from this and how we're going to do it so it won't happen overnight. I need to feel comfortable with how we organise it, how we moderate and that I shouldn't feel like I'm in a goldfish bowl watching the outside world because I have the rest of the internet and world to make me feel that way.
We've been talking about doing this for months now and would be doing it sooner if it wasn't for me buying a house in a pandemic (so close to exchanging contracts!) whilst I'm still recovering from the 'Rona, four months on. So we're using what time and energy we have sustainably and what we come up with will be intentional.
But all I know is this.
I'm not happy with how things are.
I'm not happy with the platforms we're using to market our business.
We're totally happy going solo on this, it's not like we follow the crowd anyway. I'm perfectly happy to ditch the lot and do something different. I hope you'll stick with us when the time comes but I understand if you don't.
All I know is that I cannot carry on like this and shit needs to change.
Rock on! Countess
P.S. noticed I'm using the blog a lot more? Also mailing list.